you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
