im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
