FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize