I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The feeling are messing with the penis
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
