Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
