Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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