Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The ass gains better be worth it
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