I think I won the penis lottery.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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