dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i've created a new STD.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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