i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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