dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's shark week go big or go home
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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