I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
