just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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