i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
