i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
