his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize