I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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