Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
