Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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