i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
