You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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