Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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