mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
