it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
