OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
