i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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