he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
