i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i think my cat just said my name.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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