Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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