just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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