I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize