We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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