Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
