its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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