The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
