Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
