oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
