Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
