Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
