I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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