Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
