I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
