dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
