Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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