Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
