It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
