I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
