I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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