doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
