Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
