Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
