I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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