I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
