great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
