i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
