The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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