we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
