Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
