I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
