ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
