I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
