My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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