We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
