Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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