I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
false alarm, still single
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