dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
