Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
