My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
