i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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