he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Boobs are out for the taking
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
