Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
