So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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