I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
