the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
